Appendix: The P-Funk Cosmology-in-a-Nutshell

Dig: The secret of funk was placed inside the pyramids 5,000 years ago. If we had stayed tuned (To pyramid power? Connect this to the Chariots of the Gods melieu of the same era, and the visiting spacemen theme of P-Funk) to The One, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in. "Mother earth is pregnant for the third time. We all have knocked her up." It took the arrival of Dr. Funkenstein to unearth the funk and usher its viral spread over the de-funkatized surface of the planet. The problem with earth is that it is devoid of funk, -- earth is the "Unfunky UFO" -- due to the unfunky operations of the white house, the pentagon, Nixon, businessmen and greed in general, and an overall lack of supergroovalisticprosifunkstica-tion. The symbol for the collective greed/war mentality is embodied by Sir Nose, D'Void of Funk ("I have always been D'Void of Funk, I shall continue to be D'Void of Funk..."), who relentlessly pimpifies the people "By sucking their brains until their ability to think was amputated...pimpifying their instincts until they were fat, horny, and strung out" in pursuit of "financial security or an eternal supply of TRIM," the result being that "the very source of life energies on earth have become the castrated target of anile bamboozelry from homo sapiens' rabid attempts to manipulate the omnipotent forces of nature."

The ruthless whoring of Funkentelechy has brought mother nature to her knees, and we're pinned beneath them. "The frenzied incipience of pimpification hath risen to the point of cosmicide." In other words, we all have a bad case of the Placebo Syndrome, having traded in "the real thing" for a civilization comprised of cheap imitations, which is now crumbling around us. The Placebo Syndrome has given the body politic weak knees, which are doomed to give out from under us at any moment. We no longer feel the pulse, or smell the deep draughts of the Cosmic Slop which generates the funk. "When the signal is too weak, you're in the syndrome."

But hark! We do have booties and we do have boots, so let's move 'em! "When the syndrome is around, don't let your guard down. All you got to do is go on a bump." We have the strategic assistance of Star Child, who takes careful aim and shoots at Sir Nose (who inhabits the Nose Zone, or the Zone of Zero Funkativity) with his Bop Gun, funkatizing him in the luminescent sheen of its rays. In concert, guitarist Gary Shider flew over the crowd, wearing diapers of course, blasting at the crowd with a strobe light attached to a space-age rifle, "Chasing the Noses away," which forces Sir Nose to "give up the funk" and dance. "We shall overcome...we got to shoot 'em with the Bop Gun." To gather the collective energies of the funkateers into a mobilized force, Uncle Jam's Army was created to snuff out Sir Nose wherever he may lie.

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